Which one of you wants to carry a message to Flora at the artisan coffee shop?

Which one of you wants to carry a message to Flora at the artisan coffee shop?

“No phone owns me” you’ll remark coldly when that one barista named Flora finally asks for your number. At first she’ll cock her head in slight confusion, but quickly try to hide any lack of understanding and say, “I get it.” You’ll nod in the affirmative as you gaze longingly out of the artisan coffee shop window at the rain-soaked street and deliver the line that makes it all worth it … “I just feel like we all need to unplug.”

No-phoning is a very new trend that will never reach a high level of popularity, which is perfect. Additionally, and perhaps most importantly, not having a phone will enable you to explore other unique and envy-worthy communication techniques. You can try your hand at breeding and training homing pigeons.

This is a classic example on how to multi-trend because telling people that you’re a pigeon fancier is Chernobyl-hot right now. Imagine the wonderment in Flora’s baby blue eyes when she receives her first pigeon-gram. It’s you, of course, asking her out to see a private screening of Muybridge’s Motion Studies in your friend Theo’s basement that he has converted into a genuine replica of Thomas Lincoln Tally’s 1902 electric moving picture theatre. This is a nice touch because you’ll literally be watching the first ever moving pictures on a replica of the first moving pictures theatre. Classic hipster move. “Pick me up at 6:00,” she’ll scribe hurriedly on her artisan paper and attach the note to the left foot of “Starkiller,” your top bird.

String up some telegraph wires from your studio apartment to local hotspots like the artisan coffee shop and that old book store that people stand around in front of. You can send coded messages that will require your friends Ike and Matilda to use a WWII Enigma machine to decode. After spending a solid seven minutes of turning rotors and typing on something called a plugboard (awesome) they will receive your message: “Heading to that old book store that people stand around in front of, see you in about seven minutes.” Just as they finish reading the message you will ride up on your Honda Hobbit and bask in ultimate hipster stardom.

Bonus: be sure to watch this heartwarming clip of Mike Tyson talking about his favorite pigeon.


Category: data, fashion, media, trends